I’d thought I had it under control. The demons that sat within.
Truth is, I didn’t, they festered, waiting to make an appearance, like that spider you think you see but are never quite sure until it’s it is either on you or on the door in front of you staring at you.
I haven’t succeded much in life. One would argue that I’m a “tryer”. I’ll attempt something but never finish it. I look back on my life and question so much. In itself that is a massive problem. The past is exactly that and there is nothing I can do about the past. However – with the right strength and determination I can change the future. <Insert beautiful text about how amazing the future is going to be and how much better I’m going to be at simply EVERYTHING>
Yeah. No. Not today – ain’t got time for “positive affirmations” or “finding god” or “seeing the light”.
I live in a world currently where we have a celebrety business man as a president of a “free world”. I live in a world where China is doing what it wants and no one dares to challenge it. I live in a world where anything I say is dramatically criticised and in some cases I’ll even have friends “delete” me off facebook because they don’t agree with what I’m saying.
I live in a world that looks for hope in the future but doesn’t take action today. I’m talking about accountability. Being responsible for your actions, owning your shit. It simply doesn’t exist anymore. It’s always – someone elses fault, your upbringing, you suffered as a child. Are you kidding me? Own your shit.
I’ve done some really, really shit things in the past. I won’t own up to them cause quite frankly I’m ashamed. I’ll take it all to my grave. Some will say that’s baggage and I’ll never live a happy life because of that – good for you, you keep your opinions coming, that’s one way I can decide if I want to punch you in the face or not.
Why am I writing this? No idea really, just felt like I needed to write. Haha – “write”. I have the worst writing on the planet, even surgeons have better hand writing than me.
The black dog of depression ey – she’s a beauty. Yet this phase will only last a day or so and I’ll be back to feeling fine.
Oh – one more thing. I don’t want anymore kids.