Head above water

I’ll start this by saying right now my mood probably isn’t what I want it to be. It’s a mood of mixed emotions and thoughts which just don’t sit well with my usual line of thinking.
It’s 2pm on Monday the 3rd of November. Can you believe that?? Almost the end of 2014.

This year has seen some pretty big changes in my life; in every aspect as well. Love, employment, socially and family as well. Yet I find my self today thinking “holly crap”. Why holly crap?? Well.. To be honest I simply cannot tell you that yet.. but I can tell you some of it.. Let’s start from January 2014..

Late January I was hospitalised for what really can only be described as a plot episode of Dexter. I was thinking things about someone which I completely should not have been and for that I pretty much took myself to hospital (with help from a very close friend) and seeked help for what I thought were crazy, insane, stupid lala thoughts. All in all, probably one of the smartest decisions I ever made. That week of “time-out” as I call it proved rather eye opening. Being in a facility with people with mental health issues opened my eyes up to the whole new world that is mental health and to be honest I’m not surprised that it’s getting worse. We try to cram so much into our brains and remember so many things, concentrate of multiple situations at once and sometimes forget about the world around us.

The week in hospital taught me to appreciate the small things and let everything work it self out. This actually worked pretty well and I do try (though sometimes hard) to keep to that thought process today.

So that was a bit of a shitty month right? Ok so we get to February, that was a great month, my car loan got approved (against my expectations) and I had a $80,000 in my hands.. Excuse me?? $80k, what the HELL were you thinking fool? Yep – I know right? I look back and whilst I loved that car, it really was a bit of over kill. My god though, it was amazing to drive.

March/April saw the ex chasing me for money. We had a loan and she wanted me to pay it out, rightfully so as I had the car associated with that loan (had the car, traded it in). However she wanted me to pay the loan out straight away rather than just pay it off as per the contract (4 years). That hit me hard and emptied me of most of my savings. Now I hear you say “why the hell did you do that”. Well – That ex was the same person who I had crazy thoughts about back in January, so between you and me, I think it was the best thing to do – get her out of my life for good and wish good riddance.

So that brings me to May/June, to be honest I don’t remember much of what went on here and that’s not because I was intoxicated, I just don’t think many interesting things happened.

July/August – now we’re getting somewhere. Job changes, the dating scene.. OH MY GOD THE DATING SCENE.
How – just how do you expect to meet someone unless you “put yourself out there”.. Well let me tell you something, it gets really old, really quick and by about the 12th date I honestly felt like it was a chore.. Some were boring, others I was simply not attracted to, some I was attracted to but it wasn’t a 2 way street. Really though, by the end of August I was WAY over dating. In fact I ruled out women for the rest of 2014 and was quite happy just doing what ever I wanted.

Then this brings me to September. The one month I’ll never ever forget again for the rest of my life.. Why??
Well – one of my best mates got married. That was pretty crazy in it self cause I wasn’t sure if that would ever happen. (If you knew him as a kid, you’d agree!).
Next minute, my entire heart, soul, body is effectively stolen by this.. Lovely lady that I had met previously, but never been able to appreciate.. Until now.

This part of my life I call the forbidden fruit. Meeting this person changed my life even before anything actually happened. In 3 nights she restored my faith in “nice” women, restored my faith in the fact that there are ladies out there who do care and that there are ladies out there who do accept children into their lives. I call it forbidden fruit because she had a partner.. of 2 years effectively. This was dead against everything I believed in. I was never going to be that grass cutting/home wrecking guy who “steals” away a woman from her man.. This however, was different. Her eyes, her smile, the way she moved, talked, walked, laughed, everything about her just made me want more. But wait, this lady has a boyfriend, you can’t do anything. Yes, yes, you’re right, I can’t, I shouldn’t, and I won’t.

After arriving back in Perth I had to know whether what I/we felt was just a “wedding emotional romance” or whether there was way more to this. So we agreed to meet up. This alone made me feel sick as I felt like I was betraying her partner. I didn’t even know the bloke and I felt horrible, but I had to be sure. A close friend once told me “stuff everyone else, sometimes you have to be selfish and just think of yourself”. Turns out I wasn’t the only one who had these crazy emotions, my now girlfriend felt the same and within days she had ended the relationship with her then boyfriend and we start seeing each other.

I can hear/see some of you now shaking your heads. How dare you cause that, how dare you let that woman leave her partner for you. I hear you and I respect your opinion, however your opinion is exactly that, you’re opinion. Not mine, not my partners and hopefully not my friends and family. These are the people that matter. What matters more is that happiness can be sought after and created in mysterious ways. Love is a generator of happiness and I will never apologise for falling in love, even if the fruit was forbidden to begin with.

So – on that note, this is where I say —To be continued— and I probably won’t continue this story again till after new years. Why? There’s way to much going on between now and then. All I have to say is “Stay calm, let Jeffrey handle it”. Oh – and Hello to my american friends, I’ll be seeing you in 17 days!.

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