Its been 7 years since I found out I was going to be a dad. That experience, whilst interesting, was nothing like the experience I had just 6 weeks ago.

6 weeks ago, little Flynn was born into the world. 6 weeks ago my life changed for the better, forever. Those who know me know that my previous experience relating to pregnancy and a “child” had not been a pleasant one. Not because of the child himself but because of his mother. We’ll leave that story out of this post as this should be a positive experience rather than be salted by the devil.

So, November 2014, we found out we were expecting a baby. I can’t say we were not trying as we kinda were. Even though the relationship was so so fresh. (2 months). Sometimes in life you know things just “should be” and this was one of those times. My partner and I are a great couple and we work well as a team. (When it suits us both right? 😛 ). It was in the morning and we were baby sitting my partners cousin. We had previously done a test with the lines, but my partners ability to pee on one of those sticks straight was a challenge. This provided me with much humour.

After peeing in a cup and doing the first test, the “valid” line came up, however the pregnancy line looked extremely faint.. Was it to early to tell? were the hcg levels just to low???. I was pretty frustrated at this annoying “manual” test. So I went down to the chemist and spent up on these new fandangled digital pregnancy tests. These things were the shiz! (Thanks ClearBlue). You can find out more about those here. “Clearblue Digital

Sure enough after a few minutes the result came up “1-2 weeks pregnant” which we estimated was about right. We were surprised as we didn’t expect to fall that fast but also happy as it is something we had discussed at length and hoped for.

(will update what happened within the 9 months as well)

So – fast forward 9 months, a few ultrasound scans, few rush trips to the hospital and a weird encounter on Alcatraz in San Francisco and it’s the 3rd of July, 1 day past his due date. I was at work knowing full well baby could turn up at any moment. I had a plan in place. As I was driving a truck, it was going to be difficult if I had to move quick to get home to be there for my partner. So I made sure I stayed local with my loads etc.

About 9:30am after my partner had a midwife appointment (which turned to be a doctor because midwifes were all booked out) my partner messaged me and said “He wants to book us in for a induction”. I’m glad I wasn’t at the appointment because I would have lost my shit. After one day past due date you want to book her in? Give the kid a chance, the whole pregnancy thing really is just a guessing game anyway isn’t it?!.

So with our brief phone call of frustration to eachother my partner deicdes to continue on with her daily activities. One of which was some shopping. around 11am she messages me and – sparing you the detail – basically said she thinks things are happening. Those women out there familiar the the “show” (being the technical term) will know what I mean. I start to realise that perhaps today is the day. In my mind I always had a thought the baby would be born between 6pm-10pm and probably be a weekend. At this point it was 11am on a Friday.. My mindset with this pregnancy was always to think positive so I started to get a little excited without making it known.

By 2pm it was clear that this baby was probably going to make an appearance today, I was able to finish my work and get home, I came home to find my partner in the shower having small contractions about every 12 minutes. As time (1-2 hours) went by these started to speed up and by 5pm it was starting to get serious. In saying this, my partner was AMAZING. She held it all together, worked with her body and so far everything was pretty much as we expected. (Keeping in mind this is her first child/pregnancy).

I contacted our student midwife and said when should we go to the hospital. Whilst we had a plan in the past, nothing in that plan ever seems to go to plan from everyone else’s experience, so I opted for an ad-hoc approach. Our midwife said “when she can’t handle it anymore”. I didn’t tell my partner this, but within 30 minutes (5:30pm) she advised me with this look of “I’ll kill you” that it’s probably time to go.

Being in Perth, many people have different views of hospitals. We had just moved house but didn’t want to change hospitals, so we live in Bassendean W.A but the hospital was Joondalup Health Campus. (30 minute drive in no traffic).

Being 5:30pm on a Friday I knew that this trip was going to be interesting.. Part of an Active Birthing experience is about keeping the mother calm, as content as possible and working through her contractions. A car ride of what I thought would be 1 hour was going to be a challenge. I put the bed blanket in the back of the car and told my partner to get it, don’t worry about the seat-belt and just be comfortable. Knowing traffic was going to be moving fairly slowly I wasn’t worried about the seat-belt and was most definitely ready to have a few words with anyone who wanted to point it out to me. (Police included). (FYI to men – it’s not about you, it’s not about the law, it’s about keeping your partner as comfortable and calm as possible, trust me. It’s worth it).

We arrived at the hospital at 6:21pm, averaging contractions every 3 minutes at this point. When we got up to the delivery suite (just having a contraction before we walked in), the midwife took us straight into a delivery suite but said that wasn’t standard practice, just that there were already 2 people in the examination room. (Turned out to be a good thing!). She also look at my partner and said “You don’t look like you’re in labor, so we’ll check and probably send you home”. In my mind I was thinking “like f*** you will, she’s in labor”.

After doing the check, sure enough she was 5cm. Already over half way there and past that pesky 4cm mark. I was pretty happy. Knowing she’s done this all by herself with little help over the previous 6 hours, it was great news.

Now comes the part where I believe birthing mothers should have much more power.

They have this monitor, it’s a 2 part monitor that they attach to the mother via 2 straps. One part measures baby’s heart rate and the other monitors contractions. At Joondalup hospital they have a rule that you must be on this device for 20 minutes when you first arrive and are confirmed in labor. My partner does NOT like this device and believe’s the devil invented it. It’s not comfortable and becomes very frustrating especially (like my partner) if you’re a wriggler. After 40 minutes, my partners contractions for wreckless and not controlled as they used to be, she had started to lose touch with her contractions/birth process because she was so uncomfortable. In the end we demanded the monitor be taken off and after a senior midwife review of the “patchy” results of the monitor, we were let free.

She then proceeded to the shower. This is where it all changed. my partners heart rate went back to normal and she was back in control of her body and the contractions. Within 5 minutes of being in the shower she was comfortable. She opted to have the “gas” in order to take the edge of the peak of each contraction and this seemed to work quite well. We had opted for a no-intervention, no-drug birth if possible in order to allow both mother and baby to experience it as naturally as possible. So perhaps she cheated a little bit with the gas but it was nothing like what a needle or epidural would be have been like.

Around this time our student midwife arrived. She informed the duty midwife of my partners requests, birth plan and what NOT to do. It was very good, as it meant I could concentrate my focus on my partner and just be there for her. Ultimately as a father, during this time, that’s all you can do is just be there for them. Do what they say, try not to look worried, angry or upset. Calm, content and focused is how you should be.

Within another hour or so the contractions were starting to get more full on, my partners waters also broke (to the disbelief of the duty midwife) and for my partner and I this was the sign we were looking for. At this point she wanted to be examined again but the duty midwife refused and stated she’d be rechecked at about 9:30pm. This frustrated my partner as she just wanted to know how far was left to go, but her body would soon let her know how long was left.

Around 9:30 I had to convince her to come out of the shower and onto the bed to be checked. This was difficult because by this point, she was pretty much out of control of her body. Her mind at taken a back seat and her body was now taking over the process. If you google coma and birth you’ll soon realise just how powerful your body is and how natural birth should be.

Eventually I got her up to the bed (with help of our student midwife) and she was checked. 9cm!. We’re almost there. Back to the shower we went.. Not for long. 10pm came and my partner started advising me that things were changing and she felt like she needed to open her bowls. Not only this but her lower back was starting to bother her. This was a good sign as it meant the baby had moved down further.

We wanted a non-bed, non-back birth. Many reasons but some of the main ones being that on the back is in NO WAY natural. Anyone who says this is kidding themselves and you just have to take a look at nature to realise how wrong being on your back is for birth. Besides being uncomfortable, it’s not helpful to an easy delivery. (problem births/pregnancies aside).

The midwifes advised it was time to come out, my partner didn’t want to and was content to give birth over the gym ball that she was using in the shower, in the shower!. The duty midwife wouldn’t have a bar of this and this frustrated my partner a lot. After some coaching and negotiating we were able to get the mattress from the bed, onto the floor, though still not in the shower.

Things proceeded pretty quickly from here. My partners birth position was lean over the gym ball, on all fours whilst also on the mattress. I think this helped a lot and would suggest considering this position as your birth position. My partners urge to push became much stronger and we were now entering “involuntary pushing” area. This is where your body takes over and requires no coaching from midwifes of doctors. The noise coming from my partners lungs at the point, REALLY took me back. I have never in my life heard lungs on a woman, or man for that fact – like this. I wish I had recorded it because i think there was a world record there for sure.

Within about 10 minutes the babies head was out. Less than a couple of minutes later he was born. Active pushing phase was only 14 minutes.

Hello Flynn, welcome to planet earth. I can’t really describe how I felt. Elated, overjoyed, excited, nervous, scared. All these feelings were there. Then comes the “Is he normal”. You check his toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, boy bits. Everything is there, everything is where it is meant to be. You can breathe a sigh of relief that your birth was a-la-natural and pretty dam quick.

<To be continued>

I’ll start this by saying right now my mood probably isn’t what I want it to be. It’s a mood of mixed emotions and thoughts which just don’t sit well with my usual line of thinking.
It’s 2pm on Monday the 3rd of November. Can you believe that?? Almost the end of 2014.

This year has seen some pretty big changes in my life; in every aspect as well. Love, employment, socially and family as well. Yet I find my self today thinking “holly crap”. Why holly crap?? Well.. To be honest I simply cannot tell you that yet.. but I can tell you some of it.. Let’s start from January 2014..

Late January I was hospitalised for what really can only be described as a plot episode of Dexter. I was thinking things about someone which I completely should not have been and for that I pretty much took myself to hospital (with help from a very close friend) and seeked help for what I thought were crazy, insane, stupid lala thoughts. All in all, probably one of the smartest decisions I ever made. That week of “time-out” as I call it proved rather eye opening. Being in a facility with people with mental health issues opened my eyes up to the whole new world that is mental health and to be honest I’m not surprised that it’s getting worse. We try to cram so much into our brains and remember so many things, concentrate of multiple situations at once and sometimes forget about the world around us.

The week in hospital taught me to appreciate the small things and let everything work it self out. This actually worked pretty well and I do try (though sometimes hard) to keep to that thought process today.

So that was a bit of a shitty month right? Ok so we get to February, that was a great month, my car loan got approved (against my expectations) and I had a $80,000 in my hands.. Excuse me?? $80k, what the HELL were you thinking fool? Yep – I know right? I look back and whilst I loved that car, it really was a bit of over kill. My god though, it was amazing to drive.

March/April saw the ex chasing me for money. We had a loan and she wanted me to pay it out, rightfully so as I had the car associated with that loan (had the car, traded it in). However she wanted me to pay the loan out straight away rather than just pay it off as per the contract (4 years). That hit me hard and emptied me of most of my savings. Now I hear you say “why the hell did you do that”. Well – That ex was the same person who I had crazy thoughts about back in January, so between you and me, I think it was the best thing to do – get her out of my life for good and wish good riddance.

So that brings me to May/June, to be honest I don’t remember much of what went on here and that’s not because I was intoxicated, I just don’t think many interesting things happened.

July/August – now we’re getting somewhere. Job changes, the dating scene.. OH MY GOD THE DATING SCENE.
How – just how do you expect to meet someone unless you “put yourself out there”.. Well let me tell you something, it gets really old, really quick and by about the 12th date I honestly felt like it was a chore.. Some were boring, others I was simply not attracted to, some I was attracted to but it wasn’t a 2 way street. Really though, by the end of August I was WAY over dating. In fact I ruled out women for the rest of 2014 and was quite happy just doing what ever I wanted.

Then this brings me to September. The one month I’ll never ever forget again for the rest of my life.. Why??
Well – one of my best mates got married. That was pretty crazy in it self cause I wasn’t sure if that would ever happen. (If you knew him as a kid, you’d agree!).
Next minute, my entire heart, soul, body is effectively stolen by this.. Lovely lady that I had met previously, but never been able to appreciate.. Until now.

This part of my life I call the forbidden fruit. Meeting this person changed my life even before anything actually happened. In 3 nights she restored my faith in “nice” women, restored my faith in the fact that there are ladies out there who do care and that there are ladies out there who do accept children into their lives. I call it forbidden fruit because she had a partner.. of 2 years effectively. This was dead against everything I believed in. I was never going to be that grass cutting/home wrecking guy who “steals” away a woman from her man.. This however, was different. Her eyes, her smile, the way she moved, talked, walked, laughed, everything about her just made me want more. But wait, this lady has a boyfriend, you can’t do anything. Yes, yes, you’re right, I can’t, I shouldn’t, and I won’t.

After arriving back in Perth I had to know whether what I/we felt was just a “wedding emotional romance” or whether there was way more to this. So we agreed to meet up. This alone made me feel sick as I felt like I was betraying her partner. I didn’t even know the bloke and I felt horrible, but I had to be sure. A close friend once told me “stuff everyone else, sometimes you have to be selfish and just think of yourself”. Turns out I wasn’t the only one who had these crazy emotions, my now girlfriend felt the same and within days she had ended the relationship with her then boyfriend and we start seeing each other.

I can hear/see some of you now shaking your heads. How dare you cause that, how dare you let that woman leave her partner for you. I hear you and I respect your opinion, however your opinion is exactly that, you’re opinion. Not mine, not my partners and hopefully not my friends and family. These are the people that matter. What matters more is that happiness can be sought after and created in mysterious ways. Love is a generator of happiness and I will never apologise for falling in love, even if the fruit was forbidden to begin with.

So – on that note, this is where I say —To be continued— and I probably won’t continue this story again till after new years. Why? There’s way to much going on between now and then. All I have to say is “Stay calm, let Jeffrey handle it”. Oh – and Hello to my american friends, I’ll be seeing you in 17 days!.

The Birthing Storey – Post Birth

February 6, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Well I thought I would post this, around 47 hours after Jake has been in this world. 

This is my WOW factor letter.. 

2 days ago my birthday was coming to a fast close.. 25 years old.. and 5 days till Jakes birth, on my way to a volleyball game at 7:55pm.. One hour 15 minutes later, I became a dad… Till even the following morning it had still not really sunk in.. On my way back to Mandurah from home I was thinking.. Wow.. I have a son.. In 9 months this little pea has turned into arms, legs, head and now the best part begins.. he develops and evolves his personality.. 

I won’t lie.. I’m TERRIFIED.. This is my real first time at being “Dad”, not just some “make up” dad that takes over the role because another bloke CBF.. This is my blood, my bones.. over the last 2 days, I’ve been doubting my ability to be a good dad.. Do I really have what it takes??? I feel I’ve not done all that much in my life.. I’ve been through a lot.. but my achievements list is not exactly high.. With the help of all my friends and comments on facebook, I’ve realised that not only am I going to be a great dad.. but I’m going to be my son’s best mate from birth to death.. 

They say a moment can change everything, I second that motion and carry it forward.. All those fathers out there who said to me.. “You’re not going to know what’s hit you”.. Yes, you were not wrong.. To all those who said you’ll make a great dad naturally.. Thanks.. those words allowed build my strength up.. So I hope I do well.. at least I know I’ve good a good support network right? *looks around innocently*. 

For the record, the 2 trips to Mandurah and back since Wed night have been at “regular” speeds with no rushing.. I’ve had no complaint knocks on doors or letters (yet).. 
I will continue to upload photo’s video’s and notes of my lil man’s life.. Facebook can be so much more than just a social site.. I think it can show a life storey and the dedication of a father.. and That’s what I want it to show.. My dedication to my mate & son Jake. 

Tata for Now.. :)

Re-done by popular Demand

February 5, 2009 at 12:02 am

Well I thought while it is fresh on my mind I better write it all down.. 

It all starts at 7:55pm Wednesday 4th of Feb 09 ( My 25th B’day!!!)…
As I get into my car to go to volleyball I get a call from Penny who advises that BJ is in hospital and that bub is most likely coming tomorrow… So Ok, that’s cool.. Next minute she says hold up… Double checks with the nurse.. Nope, he’s coming in the next 45 mins and I need to get my belly up down from Koondoola to Mandurah… Total trip … 100km according to car.. 

With only 43km to empty I knew I would need a fuel stop.. so I FLEW to Caltex (basil’s) on Wanneroo rd cnr main st and got out to fuel up, only to be tailed up for a paddy wagon.. As the 2 officers got out.. I kindly said in a VERY fast paced voice.. “Help me if you can but my partner is having emergency c-section in mandurah in 45 minutes and I don’t care if you book me or what but I’m going to speed again anyway so either help me out by escorting me, book me and ruin my life or just walk away”… he said they can’t escort me and to just drive safe.. 

So by this time my nerves have started to kick in.. So off I go to pay the fuel, back in the car and we’re on our way.. only to get to the Wanneroo rd and Morley dve lights to have an undercover falcon infront of me.. Knowing it was most likely NOT going to work a second time I took the back streets to hutton st on ramp and hit the freeway… FAST… 

At this stage it was now 8:10pm and I was freaking.. I was going to miss the birth of my boy and god so help me I’d be real upset.. So I phoned the Traffic office and asked under extreme circumstances if mr plod could help me out.. Short answer no, but was told good luck, do what you have to.. So Off that phone call onto the Peel health campus to ask them to STALL the operation as much as possible.. Which they said they’d try… 

As I crossed the city and hit the Kwinana freeway I was really pushing it now.. those who know commodore/statemen speedo’s can guess what I say when I say that my speedo was now reaching “2:30” and “3:00″… I was really moving.. hazard lights on and lights flashing to hope that people would move out the way.. 90% did.. others tried to be smartasses.. but a quick sign to show baby signals, they soon realised why I was booting.. 

Before you all start.. YES I know speeding is bad… blah blah blah.. but get stuffed. I wasnt missing this for nothing.. and yes.. THERE IS SUCH THING AS SAFE SPEEDING. don’t care who you are.

As I got closer to mandurah Dave(Bj’s dad) called me to advise that she’s now gone into theatre.. (8:26pm)… I’m packing my dacks now.. speed gets a little higher with clean & clear freeway from farrington rd.. I was able to make wicked time.. Then the really bad part that really did almost cost the lot.. The fire in Port Kennedy.. The policeman would NOT let me through even with the storey of bub and all.. So I lead footed it around him and got around port kennedy, as I did that I called Mandurah Police to ask for assistance in getting to the hospital.. A for directions and B for no trouble.. I got both which was great.

As I finally pulled into the hospital with Dave’s guidance and 4 other people directing my car where to park so I can lead foot into theatre, I jump out, leave my keys, wallet, and sunnies in the car and race inside.. Thanks Leanne for clearing up me keys and car :).

10 mins to spare, I got scrubbed up, and in I went.. (Bj was already in and ready to go.).
BJ was happy to see me, she was really worried that I would miss out on the birth.. as was I!.
To keep her calm and not thinking about the procedure, we talked about her day and my day and my fast paced trip to Mandurah… 
15 mins later, Jake appears, sqworking and squirking but then nice and calm and happy to be out.. My lil man.. all that I could have expected and more.. 

Happy birthday Jeff, Your son Jake is your present from your self and Bj.. oddly enough.. lol.. So selfish aren’t I??? :P.

To be honest I’ve just had one of those interesting days where I think I’ve experienced every emotion and now I’m crashing and oh my it’s really horrible.

Started out like any other, then I got to the train station and forgot my smartrider and work pass. FAIL!.
Didn’t let that get the better of me, train ride into town was fine and my muffins from macca’s were fantastic!.

Work starts, it’s a bit slow as I wait for people to get back to me. It’s amazing how slow companies can be. I then have a dispute with a vendor, I wish I could name them because their new practice stinks. Oh I can give you a hint I guess.. Red logo, major software company.

So after that frustration I have boot camp.

Oh my god, I think I died. I knew that I was unfit, but to what extent was the question, my work friend had a pretty intense session planned and whilst I didn’t run as much as I should of I copped the chest pains, faint feeling and the shakes afterwards. Not to mention trying to put my work top back on again was.. Hard..

Work finishes around 3:30 and off I go to the train, stopping in to visit my favourite travel agent to say g’day before trotting off to the station. Train trip ride back to Bassendean is fine. Then something weird happened. I don’t know why, how, what triggered it but I felt really, really down.

In fact I haven’t felt so low since February. My sister then comes home in a bad mood because she can’t work out the new door lock I installed so I fix that for her.

It’s now 7:15pm.. In less than 12 hours I’m back at work. I don’t get this.. Why the hell do we work so long?

If you live in the suburbs, it can take around an hour or more to get to work. If you work a 40 hour week that’s a 10 hour day pretty easy. By the time you get home, prepare dinner and settle down it’s often past 8pm and you realise you’re going to have to do that again, and again, and again for how long?.

How long must we put up with government and societies expectation that we work pretty much our whole lives?.

I guess you have to change it your self.  Find something, create something, invent something, become more than you ever anticipated. Become stronger, bigger, wiser, make mistakes and learn from them and become greater.

Don’t get tied down into the boring simple existence of all work and no play. Give your self a week off work every 3 months. Take more if you can. Negotiate better working hours, start your own business. Don’t aim to be a millionaire just aim to be comfortable. :)

I would far rather have done this in a youtube video however I don’t know how much abuse I’d cop for it, so I’m doing it this way instead. Who knows maybe there’s a 2.0 that will come out of this?.

Dear the people of Earth… “Why for you hating so much” put what ever accent you like on that quote it really means the same thing. Recent studies with kids show that our differences in colour, religion, sexuality mean nothing, so why is it that as young adults, fully grown adults and even the elderly do we still seem to have so much judgement or intolerance of other peoples sexuality, religion, culture?.

Here’s some advice for all of you. “Who cares”.

Who cares what your sexuality is, are you that afraid of people who like the same sex that you’re going to lock your self inside your house for ever? – Get over it.

Who cares what religion your neighbour is. Are you going to go over to their house and say that they shouldn’t believe in what they believe in just because you don’t believe in it? – Get over it.

Who cares that a group of people believe in something that you don’t. – Get over it.

Of course, there are lines with all of these things and this is where much of the conflict comes from.

As young people we know what is right and what is wrong. It’s an internal feeling that starts quite young. Yet along the way as we get older many of us are “derailed” and taught things that lead us to believe that the way we think is wrong and that certain people shouldn’t be allowed to do certain things or certain people believe that because you believe in another religion that you should die.

Since when, ever, do you believe that you can become the judge and executioner of someone’s life just because of their cultural or religious belief? Yes, I’m talking to you ISIS in Iraq and Syria.
Since when was it ok to kill a fellow man/woman or child just because of that?.

Now let’s move on to something more recent. “Racial hatred” and we can start this one by saying the following..

“I don’t care what colour your skin is”

This is my own personal belief. I honestly don’t care. Name the colours in all shades and I really just don’t care.

HOWEVER – Don’t you dare for one minute accuse me or abuse me and call me racist just because I didn’t agree with something that you said?. Are you serious? Reverse racism, well there’s no crime with that now is there?

In the United States right now there are riots, looting and all sorts happening because a “white” policeman shot a “black” man.

Ok – rewind. Let’s try this again.

In the United States right now there are riots, looting and all sorts happening because a policeman shot a man on the street.

NOW the policeman shot a man on the street, that’s the news story here. Regardless of colour, regardless of their dress sense, a policeman has taken the life of someone.

The simple question is “why?”. What cause an officer to drawn his weapon and use lethal force in the middle of the road?. That is the first and foremost important question that needs answering.

Were you there? did you see what happened? can you tell me 110% that this policeman had so much hatred for Non-Caucasian people that he felt he had to kill this man? Probably not. So perhaps wait for the facts before you go out and ruin a city because of something you “think” has happened.

Oh – and before you start interpreting what I’ve said, at no time have I been racist, at no time have I defended anyone and at no time have I accused anybody. Remember that in the eyes of the law, the law which you call upon when something bad happens to you, all are innocent until proven guilty by a jury of their peers.

So, “why for you hating so much”.

The world cannot change without progress, the world cannot change without acceptance and we cannot change without working together.

Oh – Here’s a good one for you..

What’s an indian male (hindu), australian man(catholic) and Lebanese man (muslim) all living in Australia working in the same place got in common?

Everything. – They’re all “men” they all have their own beliefs (no matter what), they all work, they all have families which they love, they all participate in their communities.
Oh – and they all catch-up after work on Friday’s, together and have a drink and a laugh. They talk about everything and anything and have some great debates.
However, at the end of the night, we share a kebab, find our way home and know that it doesn’t matter the colour of our skin or what we believe in. We share common ground and have a great time together. We’re friends. That’s all that matters.

 

Until next time planet Earth, it’s been real.. Give your mate a hug from me.

I’ve been trying to find time but more so find an old backup of the previous jeffa.net site so I can get all my data back. Losing so much data is a horrible thing. I suggest people backup to multiple USB sticks and put them into safety deposit boxes if the info is critical!.

So much news to share, all will be revealed soon!